


Four of Wands

by Willowingends



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-13
Updated: 2016-02-13
Packaged: 2018-05-20 06:13:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5994478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willowingends/pseuds/Willowingends
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Four of Wands is a card of celebration and a safe and secure environment. It often reflects a wedding, engagement or other event whereby a relationship is becoming more serious. It rests upon their cloaks in the warm noon sun, and yet for once the future does not concern Parvati. She focuses only on the now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Four of Wands

“Mm, that's nice.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yes, yes.”

“Are you even listening to yourself?”

Parvati's eyes flicked up to meet Lavender's at that sentence. She sighed and closed the magazine she'd been browsing through, folding her hands over the moving picture of the winking witch. Apparently she had said something wrong. If she hadn't Lavender wouldn't be glaring at her with her hands curled into small fists across from her. 

“Oh, no. Better question. Were you even listening to me?”

Lavender's high-pitched query of absolute devastation tore at Parvati's heart. But, then again, everything Lavender seemed to do these days tore at her heart. 

“Of course I'm listening.” She said in her most placating voice, fluttering her eyelashes and trying to convey her annoyance, not her pain. “Ron was being the absolutely most wonderful boyfriend in the entirety of wizarding Britain. Maybe even all of wizarding Europe. Oh, and he's just got the most lovely eyes that shine so brightly when you're talking to him, if you're talking ever, because he's so good at snogging.” A bitterness entered her tone and she hurriedly turned her face away before any other emotions could show through. “Absolutely, bloody fantastic.”

Admittedly, Parvati was happy for Lavender. She was happy in the way one was happy for another's distraction from other matters. Happy in the way a friend who delights in their friend's relationship while battling down constant waves of jealousy that felt like fiendfyre, devouring the soul. 

Happy in the way that her heart fluttered when Lavender's face lit up because she was discussing something of true interest to her.

Happy in the way her heart crumbled and broke inside of her a little more everyday. Because the pain meant she still cared and that she hadn't walled herself off as her twin had suggested she did.

Lavender's huffing and shocked gasps had her turning her eyes back to her best friend slowly. She raised an eyebrow as she looked at her friend's gently darkened skin, a blush perhaps? Or, no, a blaze of fury. “What have I said now?”

“You haven't been listening to me at all!” Lavender's voice cracked in hurt and anger, her dark brown eyes sparkling with her emotions. She was always so easy to read, Parvati observed as she turned her head away swiftly and lay back. She pulled her magazine back up, hiding her face behind the pages as Lavender continued to splutter at her, short fingers clenching and unclenching against the gold sheets that covered her bed. “Why aren't you apologizing! Or asking me what I said? Or- Or- Or acting normal!”

A small, sad smile parted Parvati's lips, but her voice held steady as she replied. “I had just gotten tired of hearing the same thing every day... I had thought you'd ran out of new things to say. It's not like you've paid any attention to me and my interests since you started dating Ron. I don't have to tell you anything. I don't think you'd be interested in little old, boring me.” Her words held a taint of anger in them, yes, but she didn't believe Lavender would pick up on it. She hadn't picked up on many things that she might have only a year ago. Raising her wand, she cast a spell that would muffle Lavender's protests and tried her hardest to concentrate on the words in front of her eyes.

She was tired of hurting and caring too much, no matter how alive it made her feel, no matter how pleasant the burn of Lavender's anger, proving that, on some level, she still cared about Parvati. Sighing quietly to herself, Parvati accepted the fact she could not focus on the flirting tips before her, and closed her eyes. Maybe, if she lay there silent long enough, Lavender would just get up and leave her alone.

* * *

Admittedly, it hadn't been so bad at first. Lavender was distracted by her new boyfriend, and while Parvati didn't understand the sudden interest in Ron Weasley, she was happy for her friend. Sure, he had been rather inconsiderate of her sister at the Yule Ball, but that had been two years ago. He had grown up, right? And Lavender wasn't really invested in the relationship, she simply wanted someone to kiss, someone to shower her in affection. Parvati could understand that at least.

She had grown accustomed to seeing Lavender wrapped around Ron, her dark fingers splayed across his pale skin like encroaching shadows, their image, the contrast filling Parvati's mind whenever a spare moment afforded her an empty mind. It was disturbing how much the image of Ron and Lavender wrapped together grated on her nerves. She carefully examined the emotion, hidden behind her palmistry textbook, avoiding Lavender's happy, sparkling eyes.

For a while Parvati had been terrified that some of her great-grandmother's racism had crept into her mind, poisoning her idea of relationships. She had never thought she had a problem with interracial relationships, but what if she had just been very good at ignoring them until one of them involved her best friend? What if all the whispers of her great-grandmother talking of Indians like their own family marrying white or white-passing European families had stuck? What other explanation was there for the image of Lavender's hands on pale, freckled skin to haunt her, to be replaced by Lavender's hands trailing across skin closer to Parvati's own skin color?

But, no. She had no problem accepting the possibility of Ginny dating Harry, who she was certain was of South Asian descent. She had no issue with Dean and Ginny dating, though she didn't enjoy how it made Seamus mope around.

So it had only to do with Lavender and Ron, which was quite a relief and eased some tension from her shoulders, but not from her heart. 

Why did it bother her so much though? Why did waves of anger crash over her whenever Lavender spoke of Ron with dreamy sighs? Why did she feel the need to huff and storm away when they began kissing? It was eerily similar to the way Hermione stormed away, and well, Parvati was certain she didn't feel the same way for Ron that Granger did.

How could she feel anything but distant companionship to the speckled, loud git?

She had spoken to Padma about her dreams, wondering if he Ravenclaw could get more insight from an outside view. She'd been met with laughter and had expected a scolding on believing in prophetic dreams or something of the like. Instead she got a pat on her shoulder and a kiss on the cheek, and a softly whispered, “Just don't tell Maa and Baabaa.”

That had left Parvati incredibly confused. Her and Padma trusted their parents with everything. From the fears of separation to the heart-aching anger that had filled them after the Yule Ball. What could her dreams mean that Padma would warn her off seeking help from their parents?

Quietly, deep in thought on this serious matter, Parvati had wandered back to the Gryffindor Common Room, only to enter to see Ron and Lavender piled upon the couch, snogging over the assigned Transfiguration homework that Lavender had sworn she'd do with Parvati.

And her temper had exploded.

A soft whimper had all that had passed her lips though, not loud enough to distract the two Gryffindors, so wrapped up in each other as they were. But Parvati's wand was out, and fire sprang to life across the papers, burning the work that had occurred before the two had gotten distracted with each other. She ignored the shriek of shock and the shouted oath that came from them, ignored Ron's struggles to conjure water to put out the flames, and swept upstairs, her robes billowing out behind her and her nostrils flaring.

It had been a ridiculous way to display her emotions. But wasn't it ridiculous that Lavender sought out praise from Ron when she could receive it directly from Parvati, whenever she wanted it instead of having to wait for Ron to be freed from Harry and Hermione's side? Wasn't it ridiculous she sought affection from a boy who could not understand why she craved such attention, when she had poured out all her insecurities and fears and her inner desires to Parvati so long ago?

Wasn't it ridiculous she couldn't see the pain she was causing? To herself, to Hermione, to Parvati?

Wasn't it ridiculous she couldn't see someone was already in love with her?

And that had been how it had hit her, like a herd of hippogriffs. 

Flinging herself upon the bed, she had thrown up a shielding spell, one that obscured the subject within the shield. And she had screamed, pounding the pillows with her fists in her anger, in her horror, in her pain. Because if her great-grandmother hated interracial marriages, the closest her parents came was frowning upon same-sex relationships. They were unproductive, did not further the family, were momentary fancies that would pass after they had become too serious to back out of.

And they would surely hate Parvati. 

Tears, fueled by her fear and her angry screams, made ugly tracks down her skin and she fell forward on to her pillows, muffling her sobs. She could hear Lavender on the other side of the shield, worry tinging her words even though she had been demanding answers from Parvati only moments before. She couldn't tell her, could never dare. Lavender was pureblood, just like the Patils. Surely she'd feel the same way, and even if by Merlin's will she didn't, she still had a boyfriend, she was still happy. And that was what had to matter most.

* * *

Parvati blinked hard, feeling familiar tears in the corner of her eyes at the memories. She pushed the magazine down on her face. If only she would have said something then instead of distancing herself she wouldn't be laying here, listening to Lavender try and coax her into talking. She might have had to change dorm rooms, because Lavender might have been uncomfortable, but she wouldn't be aching with silent love like she was at the moment.

“Please.” She managed to say at last, fighting down the urge to tell Lavender to shut up or piss off. “I'm sorry. What was it you were saying?”

She raised the magazine off her face when she was received with silence. A swooping feeling in her stomach spoke of the fear of Lavender having left her, having gone off to huff angrily at Ron until they were snogging and Parvati couldn't walk through the common room on the way to dinner without dissolving into angry tears. It was with a mingling of delight and distaste that she found her eyes locking with Lavender's.

The young woman's brown eyes held confusion and hurt, her arms crossed tightly across her chest, and Parvati barely fought back the urge to cover her face with the magazine again. This pain was just not worth seeing Lavender smile everyday. “What?” She snapped instead of hiding, eyes narrowing. “Do you want me to repeat what I said? Or maybe tell you I don't mind Won-Won? Because let me tell you, I won't lie to you, because you're my best friend.”

“You aren't acting like it.”

Parvati shot up, her hands clenching into fists as she forced herself not to grab her wand and hex the incredibly dense and beautiful girl she was staring at. “I'm not acting like a best friend?” She demanded instead, her voice climbing. “I'm the one you're upset with for not listening to you? As though you've had anything new to say at any point since you've started dating Weasley.” She bit her lip but didn't dare look away. To look away from Lavender would mean to admit that she had overreacted, that she was in the wrong.

“I was asking you what I should do.” Lavender snapped, her anger bleeding through her words even though her eyes glittered with hurt and tears. “Ron was poisoned-” and didn't that shock Parvati into silence “-and when I went to visit him in the Hospital Wing Granger was there and he said her name and I just. I thought he really liked me!”

And just like that, the anger bled out of Parvati. She was still upset, still hurt, but she couldn't stay angry when Lavender was looking so hurt, so lost. It was almost as though she had never had her heart-broken. But, maybe, she had been serious about Ron. And that tore at her heart. If she had been into Ron enough to be broken up about his obvious attraction to Hermione, then what kind of chance did Parvati have at all?

Her shoulders slumping, she closed her eyes and did her best to reign in all of her own emotions and react the only accurate way she could. “Oh, Lavender.” Her voice was filled with pity and she held open her arms. Lavender flung herself into her arms and Parvati gathered her close. She drug her fingers through Lavender's hair, shushing her softly and offering half-hearted words of comfort. She held her close, doing her best not to be selfish in this moment, to focus on Lavender and her pain and not how she felt in her arms, so close to her. 

“He's not worth it any way.” She murmured once the girl had cried herself out. They sat on her bed, arms wrapped tight around her as she stroked her hair. “He was a real git. Even though I'm sure he's a great kisser, we both know once Harry got wrapped up in something dangerous he'd be gone. Everything comes second to his friends.” Which was a good Gryffindor trait, she could acknowledge that, but she didn't like how her friend was hurt because of that.

“I really thought...I don't know.” Lavender whispered softly. Parvati sighed and rolled over to turn the light off. Lavender could sleep here tonight, no one would say anything.

* * *

And the next few weeks dragged on. Lavender cried whenever Ron entered the room with Hermione. Parvati's hands would curl into fists as she controlled her anger at the young man for hurting her friend. She had known it wasn't going to last, but had it been necessary to hurt her friend so badly in order to escape the situation he had willingly put himself in? 

Slowly they moved on though, and things got better.

“Hey,” Parvati said softly, about three weeks after the rather messy break-up. She laid her hand on Lavender's and smiled at her. “Wanna go down to the lake and work on our Divination homework? The one for Trewlaney, obviously, not Firenze?” She did her best not to let her face fall as Lavender seemed to debate whether she wanted to accompany her or not. “You can cast that heating charm and I'll summon some lunch and we can sit out there and avoid everyone.” Every Gryffindor. Ron.

Her wheedling seemed to work though, and Lavender began gathering her papers up. “Yeah, sure. That sounds nice.” She murmured, trying to smile at Parvati. It was fake, but it was a really good start. 

Gathering her own books, Parvati lead the way down to the lake, avoiding the eyes of those in the common room by moving around the edge of the room. They walked through the almost empty hallways, knowing many people had headed down for Saturday lunch. Parvati covertly glanced at Lavender, trying to gauge how she was feeling. Even on the best days she had gotten used to Lavender bursting into tears randomly. She wanted to be prepared for that, just in case. 

Lavender looked okay today though. She was smiling, and it was a bright, honest smile. She walked with a spring in her step. Perhaps it was a good thing that she had suggested this. Getting fresh air would also be an improvement on Lavender keeping herself confined to the classes and the common room.

Smiling, Parvati reached out and took Lavender's hand. She gently squeezed it when Lavender glanced at her in surprise. A slow blush crept up her cheeks as Lavender smiled warmly at her, but felt like any words would make the moment horribly awkward. In silence they continued down to the lake, and, as predicted, Lavender cast the heating charm and Parvati summoned food. Sitting together on their spread jackets, Parvati couldn't stop herself from cuddling closer to her best friend's side, her head coming to rest on the broader shoulder of Lavender.

“I can't believe we're so close to leaving this place.” 

The words came unbidden and laden with sorrow. A shuddering sigh escaped Parvati as she contemplated Lavender's words. She closed her eyes, fighting the overwhelming shadows of what ifs and could have beens that clawed at her mind. “We have another year or so. We'll...We'll be okay afterwards.” But she hated the thought of separation.

“Easy for you to say. You have a family business to go to. I don't know where I'm going. Not even with these tarot predictions and astronomy forecasts.” Lavender's voice did not tremble, did not hold bitterness, only uncertainty. Only a soft fear that hovered around her now, making Parvati's heart ache and her body shiver as she turned to fully face her friend. A soft fear that made Parvati want to comfort her friend, to embrace a moment's bravery. 

“Why not choose a bit of your future right now?” The words were soft, a stuttering start, but Parvati found that once she spoke she could not stop. “Just, stop focusing on these for a moment.” She pulled the tarot cards out of Lavender's hands, letting them slide across their cloaks as she moved forward, placing herself right in front of her friend. “Focus on now, just right now, and make a choice for your future. Don't look too deeply into what will come from it, just act, choose.” Her lips parted and she felt her heart racing as she leaned forward and cupped Lavender's cheek with her hand.

Gently her thumb brushed over the other girl's warming skin. She could barely detect the blush under the dark skin and wide eyes, and Parvati found herself wishing that this moment would be the one in which she died. A quick death before being rejected by the young woman she loved, a quick death when she was so happy, so happy to see Lavender's eyes surprised and happy again and to be so close to her.

She couldn't move forward, she couldn't make the next step. That was up to Lavender.

Hesitantly, Lavender leaned in closer, and Parvati was relieved that for once the other didn't scramble for words to express her confusion or her thoughts. Instead it was with shyness, but a steady move, that Lavender came to her and pressed her soft lips against Parvati's own. The moment was not shaded with awkwardness, but an innocent shyness. Curiosity on Lavender's part, undeniable happiness on Parvati's.

It only lasted for a moment before Lavender was pulling away, a blush on her cheeks. “Oh.” She said softly, her cheek still resting in Parvati's hand. “Oh.” And then she had leaned forward again, captured Parvati's welcoming lips with her own. The second kiss was broke with laughter, delighted laughter that escaped from both girls as they drew closer to each other, arms wrapping around one another. 

It was too early, too covered in happiness, for the moment to chase Parvati towards fear of her family's reactions. It was too surprising, too lovely for Lavender to connect pieces of the puzzle that would explain Parvati's odd actions, the separation that had grown between them. Curling against each other, they gathered the cards back into a pile, soft giggles escaping them when their hands brushed, when they turned together and their noses bumped into each other. 

They were already best friends, there were no secrets to learn, but everything they did felt like a moment of newness. A new brush of skin, a new way to view she who they had thought they had known. Each other, themselves.

“I've wanted to kiss you... But I didn't want to...”

“Sh.”

“But-”

“There's nothing to discuss right now Parvati. Let me enjoy this.”

And another soft kiss, nothing more forward then the brushing of lips and the curling of hands around each other's waist upon their cloaks. The warm noon sun shining upon them both in this brilliant moment of happiness before the coming future and the coming unknown.


End file.
